Being married is fun! My husband, Roger, and I are best friends, we adore each other, and yes, we finish each other’s sentences, have the same thoughts at the same time—we call it ESP-N, and 99.1 percent of the time, we’re on the same page but I had to kiss a few frogs before God sent me this prince. I thank God and my sister Norma for bringing us together.
Roger was one of her friends and she introduced us that first day I went job hunting at the University of Tennessee at Martin. He swears I took his breath away at first sight. I thought he was cute, but his ugly platform shoes with the laces on the side made me a tad suspicious. Norma had to go to class so she trusted him to get me back to her dorm room—instead he took me with him to class and wrote me mushy notes. The rest is history.
We’ve been together through undergraduate and graduate schools, the deaths of three of my four parents and our remaining grandparents, two hard-headed children who are now amazing parents themselves, jobs and bosses, eight moves, travel to 49 states, six continents and everything in between. Would we do it all over again? In a heartbeat!
As I praise God for our union and celebrate love and marriage this National Marriage Month, here are three things I must say:
- Those of us who believe in marriage must do more to support and advocate for it. It seems popular to “play house,” “live together,” or “shack up” or whatever they’re calling it nowadays but without vows, it’s too easy to walk away when things don’t go well. Marriage ought to be a partnership—rarely will it be 50/50 but it’s a commitment, not math.
- Marriage takes constant attention. If you have a job and you do just enough to get by, you don’t get raises or promotions like you would if you gave it 110 percent. Marriage is the same way. You must pay attention to, trust and respect your relationship. Go on dates, make time for love and intimacy and work at making your home a refuge rather than another war zone.
- Kindness always matters—harsh words, once spoken, can’t be softened or taken back, no matter how many times you say you’re sorry. Roger and I have encouraged, cajoled, inspired, supported, defended, and stretched each other but we know confusion lurks when we don’t talk. Certainly we must listen but we must be sensitive to things that are unspoken too. Roger and I fully understand that God blessed us with each other—may you, too, be blessed in your love and marriage. Stay in love with God and each other.
Roger and Cynthia Bond Hopson are authors of the Amazon bestseller I Do…Everyday, Wisdom for Newlyweds and Not So Newlyweds.